Funky Fresh (Collaboration with Gooper Blooper)

-SAN FRANCISCO POLICE DEPARTMENT-

"ANDERSON! KOWALSKI!"

The booming voice of their boss is enough to make the Funky Cops jump up, and rush into the office of Chief Dobbs. Once merely a superior officer, now the man in charge of the San Francisco Police Department - so when he said jump, they asked how high. As they enter the room, slamming the door behind them, Dobbs glares at him from his desk.

"Listen. I'm putting you on a case with a new partner. You need to take this one seriously."

"Aw, c'mon, Chief!" Ace says. "You know we always do that!"

"...Uh-huh. Anyhow. We've gotten some concerning reports about the gangs. They might be making moves together - nothing's sure. That's why I'm going to partner you with..."

Chief Dobbs gestures to the door, and a new person enters - unfamiliar to either of the Funky Cops.

"Hey, boys. The name's Fly. FBI." she says, holding out a badge.

"FBI? Ooooh man. Parker and Walker are gonna be jealous." Dick comments.

"Focus!" shouts Dobbs. "Fly is here to provide a federal side to things. Some of the info their informants got implies the gangs might be getting connections outside of California. I want the three of you to keep on top of this. Bring in anything you can! Arrest anyone you can! If this is our chance to kick the gangs out of San Francisco for good, I want us to TAKE IT! Now GET OUT THERE!"

"YES, SIR!" reply both of the Funky Cops, as they take off out the door. They're followed shortly by Fly, and Dobbs can hear Ace and Dick beginning to tell her of past adventures.

...Which naturally make them out to be far more heroic than they actually were.

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-OLYMPIA, THE ZFPD-

"Hmmmm." Sifting through a pile of papers spilling out of a manila folder, Officer Browny browsed newspaper clippings, photographs, and various other documents chronicling many criminal reports. Why did they all share a single folder? Because all could be attributed to the scourge of Olympia - the vast criminal network known as The Curse. And this wasn't the only case file on them, either.

It's a busy folder! Covers all sorts of things. As Browny begins to look at the suspected ties between the Curse and a particular large business, the doors open, to reveal two very strait-laced, suited men. They both hold out badges. "Officer Parker, SFPD." states the red haired cop. "Officer Walker, SFPD." says the gray haired one.

"Ah, the new transfers." Browny nodded at the appearance of Parker and Walker, putting down his papers to take in their appearances. Spiffy, well-groomed, and nary a disco suit or thigh-exposing leotard in sight. These were surely two consummate professionals. "Good to have you aboard, gentlemen. I'm Officer Browny. I look forward to our work together in cleaning up this city." Browny extends a hand for a handshake.

"Yes, excellent. I'm sure we'll make a good team." Parker leans over and shakes Browny's hand. Walker, meanwhile, straightens his tie. "And maybe you can put in a good word for us to the FBI, later?" He also shakes Browny's hand. Both of them look pretty pleased with things so far.

"The FBI! I'm impressed, you two aim high." Browny seems pleased as well. What had he been afraid of? These two seemed nice enough, and the ZFPD really did need all the help it could get, with the projects looming ahead of it... Browny's thoughts are interrupted, however, when he hears a loud noise in the next room over. The door to the evidence room flings open, Denise Marmalade wheeling her arms frantically as a pair of rocket-powered roller skates send her careening madly around the room, smacking into walls and skidding across the floor. Officer Patty Wagon is jogging along behind her, trying to catch her. "AAAAAAAAAHHHHHH" "ARE YOU SURE THERE'S NO BRAKE, DENISE?!" "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH"

As he watches, Parker and Walker suddenly seem to freeze. They look at each other. "I thought Anderson and Kowalski being transferred took us away from these things." "Ugh. The next thing you know, it'll turn out they play disco music at all hours." Turning back to Browny, Parker is the one to broach the question. "Is that... regular, here?"

"Hmm? Did your superior not tell you? Well, this is why I was a bit reluctant to transfer away our previous officers. They fit in quite well here. We are, after all, the ZFPD, gentlemen. The official police of the ZF Corporation. Being so closely associated with the kobbers..." *CRASH* "...you can expect a lot of these sorts of shenanigans." The rocket skates have sputtered, out of fuel. Denise lies on the floor in a dazed heap, Patty dipping down to help her.

"...Hmph. Well, I see why he gave us to you now." Walker nods in agreement. "Indeed. Presumably, Chief Dobbs wants us to clean up your act. Make sure this is a well-respected police force. One that you could invite someone important to look at, like the mayor." "Or an FBI recruiter."

"...Hm. That's not personally how I saw the situation... I understand we aren't conventional, gentlemen, but that's what makes the ZFPD work. We have all types here, just like the Kobbers we work alongside. Diversity and acceptance are important to us. I certainly believe you will find a few associates among the group more your speed if you don't feel a good fit for Officer Marmalade and Officer Wagon." And right on cue, Heavy Gunner comes storming out of the evidence room, looking more grumpy than usual. "Did you open another one of those blasted presents?" "M-maybe." Denise answers from the floor. Gunner facepalms.

That reaction is more than enough to interest the two Unfunky Cops! They walk over to Heavy Gunner, both looking happier to see him than they even did Browny. "Officer Parker." "Officer Walker." "A pleasure to meet you." "And may I just say, it's a great joy to see someone else here who understands the proper principles behind being a police officer."

Heavy Gunner looks over and double-takes. "Oh, you must be those transfers we were told we were getting back in November, yes? Thank god." Heavy Gunner enthusiastically handshakes both men. "Finally, a couple more pillars of sanity in this car crash of a district. Believe me, the klutz and Officer Thunder Thighs over there are far from the worst of it. You haven't even met the cookie-eating dinosaur yet."

"...The what." "Chief Dobbs must have really thought this place needed help." Parker and Walker both shake their heads. "Well, if anyone here is going to be capable of showing us around, it's you." "Lead the way, officer!" 

"With pleasure. I assure you, while our coworkers aren't exactly professionals, our FACILITIES are top-notch. Olympia must be serious about us stamping out the worryingly high crime rate. First, let's visit Forensics. You'll love Randy." Heavy Gunner leads the way, Parker and Walker in tow... and Browny rubs his metallic temples in concern. "Keeping one Heavy Gunner in line was difficult enough... now there's three of him." "Oh, were those the new guys?" Patty looks up, having been preoccupied with Denise. "Darn, I missed talking to them. I was going to ask if they wanted to go clubbing with me after work. I mean, I know what Dick and Ace said about them, but they can't be THAT bad, right?" Browny scratched at the back of his head awkwardly. "Welllll..."

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-GUSTO D'ITALIA, SAN FRANCISO-

As soon as the man enters the restaurant, the waiter there bows to him. "Sir, the back room is ready. Your guests have already arrived." 

The man nods, and follows the waiter through the busy, active restaurant. When he enters the back room, the two men sitting there give him sharp looks - as well as the men standing behind them, all of them packing weaponry. Of course the man who arranged this meeting expected it - that was why the waiter joined him, carrying a gun of his own. 

After all, the three men here were the three most powerful crime bosses in San Francisco.

"Luigi, if you're going to interrupt my day, you don't keep me waiting." says King Charles, an irritable man with extravagant taste.

"Charles. Luigi is a busy man, is he not? I'm sure there was a good reason that he took this long to arrive." replies Wang Chen.

"That's right," says Luigi Carbonara, the owner of the restaurant. "Someone made me a business proposition. It's one that I think could help all three of us a lot. Especially when Dobbs is bringing back those two lucky idiots of his." 

"Don't remind me. I'm expecting them to bust down my door any day now." King Charles mutters. Wang Chen sighs in sympathy. "Anderson and Kowalski have indeed been... a hinderance."

"Well, we won't have to worry about them for too long. But I'll tell you about that after you hear him out." Putting down his phone, Luigi sets it to dial a particular number, and when he hears a click on the other end, he speaks. "It's Carbonara. I brought the other two, and we're ready to talk about the deal."

"Excellent." states the man on the other end of the phone, a deep voice with years of confidence behind it. "Allow me to introduce myself, gentlemen. My name is Don Genie, and I believe we can be of great assistance to each other.

Let me ask. Have you ever heard of... the Curse?"

FUNKY PLOT

TO BE CONTINUED IN SPRING 2019