"Come on, Robot! Let's continue looking for General Treister!"
"General, I am not sure we will be able to locate Treister any time soon. This is the fifth planet we have investigated. Not only did the previous four fail to give us good information, we faced deadly situations on each of them. This leads me to conclude that we will face a deadly situation and be unable to locate the General on this planet, as well."
"Oh? And just what were those "deadly" situations again?"
"On STB-1973, we were nearly frozen by the ice monster, and would have remained frozen and failed to defeat it if not for the help of that nation's prince. On the planet of New Brazil, you angered the Jungle Lord, and we barely escaped his army in time."
"Bah, all I said was that New Brazil was a boring name compared to something like New America. I'm surprised he took so much offense."
"Planet Astarte VI, we were nearly drowned when a malfunction plunged the shuttle into the ocean. And previously on Artano, the sand damage our shuttle took resulted in the two months we spent in the space station. If our search does not pan out here, I propose we simply call this off and return to the King of Beasts."
"...Fine. But do not fear, Robot! This time, I am absolutely certain we will find Treister!"
With that exchange over with, the two of them began to proceed forward into FYM-94. The volcanic planet was surprisingly developed, with a solid paved road down which the two could walk.
"...Robot, question. Who lives on this planet?"
"According to current records, FYM-94 has not been settled or colonized by any races, native or otherwise."
"Well, then we'd better ask them who they are."
Standing ahead of Cleft and Robot were a trio of blue, reptilian aliens. Each of them stood between five and a half and six feet, were uniformed in a black military-like suit, and carried a futuristic rifle of some kind. The center one stepped forward, addressing Cleft.
"The name's Captain Arjard, of the Alxiotian Defense Force. Who are you, and why are you here?"
"I'm General Cleft, American patriot and special OSI agent! This is my companion Robot, and we're here to find one General Treister!"
"(I do not think you should have told them everything right out, Cleft.)"
"...Treister? Never heard of him. You should just go right back to your ship and get on home. Alright, go. Takeoff. Goodbye!"
Cleft, however, was one to stand his ground. Especially when given the brushoff, as he was quite aware was going on. The rock pulled out his Diamondback pistol, aiming it at the alien captain.
"Alright, Arjard or whoever, you're running circles around me. Now I want some answers, and I want them now!"
"General, I think moderation is the key here. I don't think threatening this opponent on his own turf is a good idea."
"*sigh* Looks like we'll need to teach you a lesson. TROOPS!"
At Arjard's signal, several more of the reptilian aliens popped up from behind various pieces of the landscape. Cleft and Robot found themselves quickly surrounded, and outnumbered ten to one.
"I believe this is an unwinnable situation. I advise we surrender, General."
"I've never surrendered, and I don't intend to start now! These odds are easy on me! CHARGE!"
----------------------------------------------------
"I believe it would have been easier on you if you had just surrendered."
"An American has to stick by his principles, even when he comes to harm!"
The pitted and scorched General Cleft sat back in one of the jail cells in the Alxiotian's brig. The cell next to him held Robot, who had turned himself in shortly after Cleft had been brought low by the alien troops. Cleft had been spending about ten minutes trying to hammer his way through the bars or walls, which were so far proving impenetrable.
"Damn... At this rate, I'll never find out where they're keeping General Treister."
"General, there is no evidence showing-"
"Did you say 'General Treister'?"
Cleft and Robot turned to the source of this new voice, which came from the cell across from Cleft's. An old, yet muscled man stepped into view, revealing himself to be the long-sought-for General Timothy Treister.
"I'm General Treister, previous leader of the OSI and current general of the Omban army. Who're you, boy?"
"General Cleft, special OSI agent! I've been assigned to find you after the death of Colonel Hunter Gathers, so that you can take command of the OSI before it crumbles. And may I say that it's an honor to finally meet you, sir! Together we can bust out of this prison and return to Earth in time!"
“At ease, stone, there’s no honor in being in a prison cell. Old Hunter went and kicked the bucket now, did he? Thought I’d figured him for something more than that. Welp, guess you better start writing the obituary then boy, because the OSI’s gone belly up and I ain’t coming back ta roll it over! I’m an honorary Omban now, and I can’t just up an leave them like a wide-eyed father who notices his boy’s got slanty eyes! Their livers were sprouting lilies before I came and weeded them out. Now I’m their general, and if there’s one thing that don’t fly in any part of the cosmic woods, it’s a deserter. So you better have a big appetite there Rocky, because it looks like the OSI is crumble cake.”
"But... but you're an American patriot! The OSI needs you just as much as these aliens do, and I'm surprised you'd just let it fall apart. As a real American, I'm stunned you'd let your country down in its time of need!"
"Boy, you're not gonna change my mind by spouting slogans like a two-bit Uncle Sam! The Alxiotians are on the ropes now, and considering I helped the Ombans start this war, it's my duty to see it through! Ol' Kilxanis may have tricked me into an ambush, but my team and I have a plan to bust out like it was a cake and we're the strippers! It'll take a few days, but soon enough we'll be free. I'll break you and your little toy out too, Rocky, but you'd better be ready to take a Dear John letter home because I'm not coming along with you!"
"Generals, please hold up for a second. I am picking up voices coming through the air vent in my cell."
With Robot's interruption, Cleft held his tongue rather than replying. For his part, Treister signaled to someone in another cell, calling for silence in the general area. The next thing anyone heard was a harsh alien voice, being broadcasted from Robot.
"Ah, Stroarscia. How is my favorite head scientist doing this afternoon?"
"Commander Kilxanis, sir. We are almost done with the core components of the bomb. We can begin assembly in three hours, and estimate completion in two days."
"And how powerful did you say it was? Oh, I know you've told me before. Indulge me."
"This bomb will be strong enough to obliterate the entire Omban capital area, as well as a large region surrounding it. Combining that with our invasion fleet will shatter Omba's defenses."
"AHAHA! I just love hearing about the imminent destruction of my enemy."
"Commander Kilxanis, I have some news to report."
"Oh, Captain Arjard. What is it?"
"We captured a couple of rogues searching for Treister earlier today, who appeared to be a rock and a mechanoid. They're both locked up in the brig right now."
"Excellent. We can just execute them along with Treister and his team once Omba is defeated. Soon enough, the Alxiotian army will have reversed our situation into a crushing victory! For Alxiots!"
"For Alxiots!"
The sound of two of the three walking away marked the end of the conversation, and left all three of them to ponder in silence for a minute. Treister was the first one to speak up, acknowledging the changes in the situation.
"Well, looks like Kilxanis is stepping things up. Not surprised he plans to execute me, I'm tougher than he wants to keep around. That bomb sounds like it could be a real buzz-killer though, we'd better start moving up the timetable. You do your own thing, boy, and I'll do mine!"
As Treister began signaling again to his compatriat, Cleft started to think. He didn't necesarily want to just sit back and wait - Cleft was a rock of action! But action wasn't always the only way to go...
"Robot, I think I have a plan for how to get us out of prison - and fast! Here's what we do..."
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The Alxiotian guard was not very interested in his job. Guard duty was pretty simple - check the prisoners every hour, make sure they were all there, watch television the rest of the time. So he wasn't paying too much attention to the individual cells... until he passed by General Cleft's. And noticed it was empty.
"Aw, crap. If the boss finds out about this..."
The guard opened the cell to take a look in... and the rocky General fell right on his head. With the guard out cold, Cleft quickly picked his pockets, retrieving the keys. The General ran out, first unlocking Robot's cell, followed by Treister and the four other occupied cells. As those swung open, Cleft caught his first glimpse of the Ombans - who rather resembled humanoid chickens. All of them had spindly legs and feathers, but the General didn't really have the time to take it all in. Instead, he started to outline his idea.
"Alright, men! You go off and create a distraction! I'll try and take care of this bomb before they can complete it!"
"Rocky, I'm their superior officer! You can't just upset the chain of command like that, it'd be like having a horse ride on the back of a man! Thanks for the help with the breakout, but I can take it from here. I've got years of experience, after all!
Listen up, men. I order you to come with me and help me take the fight to them! You can do your thing, boy, but I don't think it'll be necessary. My men and I are going to take down this sucker like it was a giant tootsie pop and I was a baby!"
General Treister stormed off down the corridor, followed by his four Omban helpers. Cleft stood there for a minute, and then started off in the opposite direction.
"Cleft, I am still available to assist in your plan."
"Alright, Robot. In that case, I need you to do this for me, while I put my idea into action!"
"Understood, Cleft."
Robot walked off after Cleft, listening to the General's plan...
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"Well, well. What do you know! Treister breaks out, and he and his team deliver themselves back into my hands! Good work, Captain Arjard. I'll make sure to put in a recommendation for a medal."
"Thank you, sir."
Commander Kilxanis was in a very good mood. The jailbreak had heavily alarmed him when he got the news, but Treister hadn't bothered for stealth or planning - he had just burst into Kilxanis's headquarters. Now that Kilxanis, Arjard, and their troops had brought the General and his Omban allies down again, the Alxiotian commander had brought his newly-regained prisoners to the volcanic pit behind the headquarters.
"Do you know why you're here, Treister?"
"Course I do! You've went and whipped me up a hot tub! I've been needing a bath ever since we landed on this ball of soot you call a planet!"
"Defiant to the end, eh? Well, I look forward to seeing how you try and maintain that defiance once you're been executed in front of your men. You know, we were going to -"
It was in the middle of that back-and-forth that Head Scientist Stroarscia arrived with two of his assistants, carrying a tied up Robot between them.
"Commander Kilxanis, sir! This mechanoid tried to interrupt our bomb construction, and one of my assistants recognized him as the one from earlier today."
"Oh, well. Just bring him up here, the lava pit's big enough for one more execution."
As Robot was led up to the platform by the assistants, Commander Kilxanis turned back to his opponent.
"Now, where was I... Ah, yes. You know, we were going to wait to execute you until we had utterly defeated Omba. But alas, you had to rush us. You'll miss the sight of your adopted world being crushed under our foot."
"You can kill me all you like Kilxanis, but them Omba boys is tough as nails now. A man is never as strong as his legacy, and there's no way you can keep all them fighters under that scaly little foot a yours after they hear about mine."
"Bah, your legacy will matter little once I blow away your capital! Men, it's time! Throw him into the pit!"
Two of Kilxanis' soldiers advanced on Treister, preparing to grab him and chuck him over the rim of the volcanic pit... until they heard the crash. A loud crash, coming from the HQ. Every head turned to the building.
Just in time to see a large truck with what appeared to be a semi-complete bomb strapped to the bed burst right through the doors.
"MAKE WAY FOR AMERICAAAAAAAA!"
General Cleft aimed his new battering ram right towards the ground with Treister, Robot, and the Ombans - but by coming in from an angle, he avoided his allies and aimed at the aliens! Kilxanis scrambled out of the way just in time, but the two troops who had been about to grab Treister were both slammed into and sent careening over the edge to their doom.
As Cleft screeched to a stop, the truck began to teeter on the edge of the crater lip. The rocky General jumped out, leaving the truck in its precarious state. He started cutting away at the ropes, freeing Robot, then Treister, then the Ombans.
"Thanks for the distraction, Robot! It gave me just the opportunity I needed!"
"It was not a problem, Cleft. I am programmed to assist in any way necessary."
Kilxanis, however, had no patience for this reunion scene. After recovering from his ignomious scramble out of the way, he began to call for the troops to fire. Stroarscia grabbed him by the arm, panicked and trying to call off the assault.
"What are you doing, Stroarscia? Do you want them to get away?"
"It's not that, but the truck has the active components of the bomb! If it goes into the lava, the chain reaction would be catastrophic!"
"...Alright, I'll take your word for it. TROOPS, HALT FIRE!"
Unfortunately for the Alxiotians, this command came too late. A couple overeager soldiers blasted away at the truck as General Cleft and Robot evaded their shots, and the force behind them dislodged the truck enough to send it sliding into the lava pit. Stroarscia began to run towards the truck, but he was too late to stop it, and the truck and its bomb sank into the lava.
"NOOOOO! WHAT HAVE YOU DONE?"
As if to emphasize his statement, the entire area suddenly began to quake severely. Several explosions went off in the depths of the lava, and a geyser of lava sprang up nearby. The quakes continued with no sign of abatement, and a couple pieces of the HQ began to fall in.
"Dammit, man, get yourself together! What can we do to stop this?"
"Alright, alright. Listen very carefully. In order to stop the chain reaction, we must-"
But Stroarscia's statement would remain forever unfinished, as a lava geyser suddenly burst up beneath him. Kilxanis stumbled away from where the head scientist had just been torched, and pulled out an intercom. Opening a channel to Captain Arjard, the commander began barking orders.
"Arjard, organize an evacuation! We need to get out of here now!"
"Sorry, Commander, but you're on your own. I'm already taking off."
Kilxanis watched as a ship took off into space, carrying the captain and some men with it. The alien commander cursed, throwing his intercom to the ground, and took off running into the crumbling HQ, looking for his own way out.
----------------------------------------------------------
While this was going on, Cleft, Robot, Treister, and the Ombans were all racing towards their own ticket out. Noticing that Cleft and Robot were not the fastest, Treister hoisted both of them onto his shoulders, doing the legwork for them.
"You two are less built for speed than a 90-year-old grandmother with two artificial legs! Is your ship still around? Kilxanis scrapped mine shortly after we were captured."
"My internal GPS places our shuttle approximately a quarter-mile inside the complex. We should be able to make it there soon if we hurry."
The ragtag group ran through various parts of the complex, passing crushed desks, wrecked planes, and other obvious effects of the gradual crumbling of the planet. Finally, the seven of them came across Cleft and Robot's shuttle, and quickly boarded. Robot and Treister hurried to the controls, while Cleft slammed the doors. Soon enough, the shuttle began to start the boosters up... at which point a foot kicked the door in and several energy shots caught General Treister across the arm and back. As the OSI ex-leader slumped across the controls, Commander Kilxanis swung his way in, holding a blaster rifle.
"Surprise! I think I'll be taking this ship for my exit."
Kilxanis aimed at Robot, ready to shoot out the other pilot... until General Cleft stepped up to confront him, pointing the Diamondback pistol right at the commander.
"You? You're half my size! You're nothing compared to Treister, and I already took him out! What can you do?"
"Well, for starters... this!"
General Cleft shot... and it went right past Kilxanis.
"You missed! That's a terrible start!"
"Actually, I hit exactly what I was aiming at!"
Kilxanis turned to look... and General Cleft suddenly slammed himself right into the alien leader's torso! The Alxiotian stumbled backwards, and Cleft threw himself headlong into the alien again. Commander Kilxanis fell backward onto the dying planet, and Cleft slammed the door shut. Robot quickly started the engines up again, and with no interruption, the shuttle blasted off and left the orbit of the planet.
As Commander Kilxanis pushed himself up, he realized there was no more escape - the shuttle was gone, all the other ships were all gone or destroyed, and there was nothing else he could do.
Nothing, that is, except scream out his frustrations.
"CURSE YOU, GENERAL CLEEEEEEEEEFT!"
Minutes later, planet FYM-94 exploded spectacularly, scattering debris across the area where it once was.
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As the shuttle sped away from where FYM-94 had once been, General Cleft turned back from his view of the newly forming asteroid belt.
"Well, it looks like we've taken care of Kilxanis, and his big superweapon too. So, you're going to return to Omba, then?"
"Well I gotta go somewhere to get these burns fixed up boy! You never quite get used to laser wounds...
...But ya sure did something out there today son. Someone who can make fireworks like that is definitely a true American. Hunter had a good head on his shoulders before he croaked at least, signing you in.
Listen Rocky, you may have put one helluva chink in their armor, but war don't end till the enemy's butt naked and running with their regrowable tails between their legs. I gotta see this through to the end, understand? Once I'm sure Omba is sitting pretty... Well I guess I ain't got anything better ta do then check up on how the old Office of Secret Intelligence is doing, now do I?"
"Thanks for the commendation, sir! I suppose that's all I can ask for, and I look forward to your return to command. Now, let's set a course for Omba - and after that, to the ZFS King of Beasts!"
The shuttle zoomed off into the distance, carrying Cleft forward to his eventual return to the ZFS.
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